Hair washing is such a tricky experience for so many people, kids and adults included. And it can feel frustrating for so many parents.
For so many parents, it’s a constant battle to get kids into the shower or bath, and an even bigger battle to wash their hair. Often I hear this from parents:
- They refuse to get in the shower
- They scream and scream whenever I try to wash their hair
- They make such a fuss
- It’s impossible to get them into the bath
And if hair washing is hard for you, imagine how hard it is for your child!
But why is hair washing so hard?
Well, there might be a lot of reasons.
Maybe the sensations are just too much for your kid?
- The smell of the shampoo could be overwhelming
- The feeling of having to put their head back to rinse off the water might feel agonising
- The scrubbing of hands on their head might be painful
- The shampoo that inevitably runs down into their eyes is always uncomfortable
- The feeling of water on their face or head might feel unsettling
Annie Kotowicz a wonderful Autistic author, wrote about her experience with water and showers in her book and described the following:
“it feels so terrible when wet skin meets the air, and trickling droplets transform into sharp pricks by the slightest breath of wind” (p. 35)
While this concept is often foreign to the neurotypical parents I work with, it’s something we need to be aware of when supporting little ones with self-care. The sensations might be working against them.
Another reason kids might have such a hard time with having their hair washed is because they might be feeling overwhelmed or unsure.
Maybe you’re saying ‘it’s time to wash your hair’ but they don’t know what that means;
- Is it in the bath or the shower?
- Are you going to scrub it roughly or nicely?
- How long is it going to take?
- Last time we washed my hair in the morning but now it’s the afternoon? I just feel so lost!
Lack of routine, certainty, or understanding can make seemingly normally everyday experiences, overwhelming for neurodivergent people
And do you have any easy time doing things when you feel overwhelmed?
Kids also might have trouble with hair washing because:
- They’re being pulled away from something they enjoy
- They’re not ready
- They simply don’t enjoy it
So then how do we support kids who are having trouble with hair washing?
Well, we can find ways to change the sensory experience:
- Let your child pick out a shampoo and/or conditioner that they like the smell of (or hate less)
- Use a face shield or wash cloth to help keep water and shampoo out of eyes
- Use ear plugs or ear putty to stop water running into ears; swimming shops are great for these
- Use shampoo scrubbers instead of fingers to scrub their scalp
We can also find ways to reduce their anxiety or sense of overwhelm by making things more predictable. This can look like:
- Counting down while you’re doing things
- Explain what’s happening next
- Using a visual schedule so your child understands what to expect next. (Did you know too, that you can laminate something and ‘stick’ it to the bath or shower wall with water?)
- Have a predictable hair wash day!
- Give them warning before the shower or bath
You can also help them by reducing the demands around the task. This can look like:
- Washing in the sink instead of in the bath
- Washing hair in the morning or at night when batteries and capacities are full! (yours and theirs)
- You can even get rinse shampoo caps that don't require any water at all. Just put the cap on and scrub!
These are just some of the strategies we use with families who are having trouble with hair wash days. There are so many more that’s impossible to fit into one blog post!
I’ll leave you with this question though that hopefully might help…
How do you help yourself wash your hair on days that you really really really don’t want to?
References
Kotowicz, A. (2022). What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic. Neurobeautiful.
Have more questions, did we make a factual error in the post above? Please reach out to info@collaborativeot.com.au